Disappointment

Our life is so busy.  With pressures of its own, happiness and heartbreaks and disappointments. We are dealing with one of these heartbreaks around here right now and it has really thrown me for a loop.

I am a sensitive person.  And I put all my eggs in one basket when it comes to my children.  I love them fiercely, hold high expectations for them and think they are the most amazing creatures in the universe.  I'm sure that those of you who are parents can relate.  So what happens if you have a dream for your child that isn't coming true?

Audrey's gym has pulled her from their provincial stream and held her back in a group that is less designed for high level gymnastics.  They don't think she's ready. They don't think she wants it badly enough.  And maybe they are right.  But the problem is this:  I want it for her.

I know.

I swear I'm not like one of those women on Dance Moms.
I understand the logic that she is the one doing the sport.  She is the one putting in all that hard work and effort and sacrifice.  And, it's not like she's not really, really good at the sport.  Seriously people, won the overall gold medal in her last competition (along with three golds and a silver on her events). But it was time for her to step up her game this year, and she didn't.  In fact, she thought about quitting before she felt all that podium success.

Gymnastics is a tough sport.

Of course, once our gym gave us this news, I lost my shit.  They gave us the news via email, which I received while I was standing in the lobby waiting for Audrey to finish training.  An email, instead of having a personal conversation with us (after 5 years of training with them) and I didn't handle it very well.  I am quite certain that this had an additional detrimental effect on the situation.  Then we proceeded to shop her to another gym in our area.  A gym that ranks below our current gym in standings.

And this gym wants her.  Badly enough to reduce their monthly fees for us.  They want to put her in their provincial stream and they say that all she lacks is confidence.  She doesn't believe in herself.  They feel like they can give her the positive encouragement and care she needs to move forward.
At this point, I began to cry.  Like the over-invested, completely Dance Mom type parent that I have become. Mostly because it hurts my heart to hear that my beautiful, talented, smart, funny girl thinks she's less than. Confidence is crucial for girls. Not only for gymnastics but for life.

Audrey mostly wants to stay with her friends at her current gym.  But this new gym really might help her with the confidence she needs to move forward and I think she sees that side too.  I am so torn up about it that I feel like I can't make a decision and even worse, we are on a tight deadline to make said decision.

 I haven't slept and have been unable to focus on anything else for several days. Stuff like this just hits me so hard.  

Anyway, I just thought I'd level with you guys and tell you where I've been this last little bit.  I'm not feeling interested in blogging about design and DIY lately. I'm all wrapped up in my kid and this drama.  

Any excellent mothers out there who have advice for me?  How do you put disappointments like this into perspective?  I only wish I knew what to do.

xo Meg